mixed emotions.

I have a lot of feelings going on right now. This may be too much information for some but oh well.
So it started when i first went to a gynecologist in 2012. We had been trying for a baby but with no luck. My periods had never been regular, so the dr. Prescribed me provera(a mesicine that basically makes you have a period every month around the same time.) After three months of taking that, I was to see if my period started on its own during the fourth month. If it did, I would take clomid(a fertility drug that helps with ovulation). So it started by itself, took clomid, ovulated and Braxton was born.

Fast forward to five months ago. I had to start seeing a new OBGYN, new insurance wasnt accepted by my old one. So I started seeing one that my sister in law goes to. I wanted one that was still at riverton hospital. So we wanted to start trying for baby #2. I was hoping that I wouldnt need anything to help with getting pregnant. But my periods stopped being regular, and he suggested I take metformin, a medicine normally used for diabetic patients, but apparently helps women who have irregular periods regulate them, a more natural way than the provera I had taken before. So i started taking that and sure enough, i was able to know the day or around the day that my period would start.

So. Then clomid came back into the picture. Started out with the small dosage. Nothing happened. No positive ovulation test. So the next month I was going to be the next dosage. But, my period never happened. Then it came two weeks late. So, then I took the third dosage of clomid. I had gotten a positive read on an ovulation test. I was so excited! So then it was the waiting game to see if this was the time I would be pregnant. Those two weeks are torture.

Well today aunt Flo made her appearance. I've been praying and praying that I could get pregnant,but that if it wasn't time I would understand. My Dr.only wanted me to do three dosages of Clomid and then we would discuss other options. I'm not infertile, it just takes a while to become pregnant. We have been trying since June.(i know it takes couples a while to get pregnant, this is not me complaining, but just my experience and recording it for the future.) Am I sad it take a shorter amount of time like it did with Braxton? Yes.  But I know I still have time and I'm just going to keep trying. I'm going to take a break from Clomid, keep taking metformin, and really try to get in shape and eating healthy. I know that it will not only help get my body ready, but help me feel better about my self. And hopefully I can conceive without Clomid. Sorry for unloading this on here. I just needed to write this down.